Hell and Handbaskets

Sums up my current feelings exactly...

Tuesday cat blogging

Ok, I know it's not Friday, the traditional 'cat blogging day' in blogging land, but I wanted to introduce everyone to my new friend. I'm not that fond of the name they gave her at the shelter, but here goes... Paikea Rene. I've renaming her Esme. I think. Still haven't settled on it yet.

Exactly one week after Zanzibar died, almost to the hour, I was waiting to go into the "End of Life Support Group" that I had been attending at my vet since Zanzi got her final and definitive diagnoses in November. As I was waiting, I was looking at the shelter cats, all waiting to be adopted. There were the older cats such as Honey and Sophie, whose owner had passed away from breast cancer, Marlowe the street cat who looked like he came straight out of a gangsta novel, and Stallone, a big and fat tuxedo cat. Among the four older cats, was a little kitten, who looked so sad, lonely, and generally, depressed. She was very very cute, too.

So, I go into the meeting, and I mentioned how sad, lonely, depressed and very very cute this kitty was, and the next thing I know, she's sitting in my lap. I'm being told how she doesn't like other kitties, and why she was by herself out in the front shelter cages and not the back cages, where all the kittens were. (She's a loner, like me!) After the meeting, somehow she came home with me. I don't quite know how it happened. All of a sudden she was in a cat carrier, and the same lady who drove me to the emergency vet to put Zanz to sleep was driving me home with new kitty. I really don' t know exactly how it happened, but lo and behold, there's a four-five month old kitten sitting on my stomach as I type this.

It's been a little more than a month that Zanz died and a little over three weeks that PR or Esme came home with me. I am only fostering her, making sure that she becomes acclimated to human beings, as she had been trapped and was a little skittish when it came to trusting. In fact, when I first brought her home, she wouldn't come near me. I had to grab her whenever she came near, if I was gonna get any kitty lovin'. It even made me sad a bit, cause I kept remembering how close Zanz and I were.

She still will run away from me if I startle her, and she's still a bit skittish. However, since I took her back to the vet yesterday to check up on her respiratory tract infection, she's been much calmer since her second vet visit and return back. So I think she knows she's staying (yes, it's pretty official that she's staying), so she's actually a lot more trusting.

One of the reasons I'm keeping her, is that I found a new apartment share in the Bronx, and will be moving in a few weeks, and my new place accepts animals.

Here's a picture of Paikea Renee Esme (still haven't decided on the name) but here she is:

This was taken when she first got to my apartment, and she's bigger now. And yes, I read Harry Potter. OK?

My vet runs Infinite Hope Shelter.

Yo

Well, it's been exactly one week since the kitty girl said goodbye. It's been a helluva week. Remind me to tell you about it one day. But not tonight.

I have a little foster kitty I'm taking care of for a few days.

I must be nuts.

Sweet Jeebus, tis the Season

Home of the Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmagtic

Well, another holiday season has arrived. Yeehaw.

Sorry to sound so depressing, but this year's holiday season is not one filled with cheer for me. It's actually been a great year, full of good things like a new job, opportunities to meet fellow bloggers from the Al Franken Show blog, trips to Martha's Vineyard for relaxing times, a conference trip to New Orleans exactly one week prior to Hurricane Katrina. I published a major paper in the Journal of Genocide Research, and this past weekend, had a fabulous time as Shopper X in the Billionaire for Bush Follies show, "Dick Cheney's Christmas Spectacular." And tomorrow, I head home to see my family. All in all, a good, solid year.

The season, though, brings such sadness as I've gotten a new diganoses on my lovely little kitty, Zanzibar. I thought she had a fatal heart disease, as was diagnosed by my original vet. It was fatal, but with the right medications, she could live longer than expected with the disease. Now I have found out that she actually has a tumor on her adrenal gland, a little bitty gland that rests above the kidney and squeaks out adrenaline and hurts like hell when it's impacted with a tumor.

She needs surgery to correct this, if the tumor hasn't metastisized and spread throughout her little body. The surgery is risky, and after having spoken with the prospective surgeon, it's not impossible to carve it out if it hasn't moved into a major artery between the gland and kidney. The kicker is, though, I don't have the $2500 needed for the surgery, so I have to make a choice: scramble to get the money to pay for a risky surgery that she not make it through, or leave it alone and let her live out her life, however that may be.

I hate this choice. I hate that it comes at the holiday times. I hate that I don't make enough money to pay for it easily. I hate that I live in New York at the moment, a most expensive place for everything. I hate it all, and the holidays just aren't helping with the overwhelming feeling of helplessness about my best friend, my companion, my heart.

I know it sounds corny, but for those of you with friends, I know you know what I'm feeling. It sucks. Badly.

I've been thinking of ways to scramble the money together, and I think I can do it, mostly, with maybe some help from friends. I haven't made up my mind one way or the other about the surgery, I have to wait and see if it's spread to her lungs first.

So, there's my sucky holiday season. Tis the Season. Ho Ho Ho.

I hope everyone has a great holiday. I will still have a great holiday. But I will be thinking and crying and working out a way to come to a decision about this. I've had her since she was born. It would be hard to lose her because I'm unable to pay for it. It would hard to lose her because the surgery is risky or the tumor has spread. It would be hard to lose her after the surgery is done, and complictions set in. In short, it will be hard to lose her.

Happy freaking Christmas.

Zanzibar

I have a cat, goes by the name of Zanzibar. She's a lovely little thing, and I've had her since she was born. I live alone, so when I come home, she's a treat and a friend indeed to have around.

Now, she's got a big problem, something called hyperthropic cardiomapathy. It's a heart disease that thickens the heart muscles, which makes breathing difficult and blood clots can form, which is bad for humans and cats alike.

With treatment, she has an unknown time to live, like all of us, but her time has been shortened dramatically, anywhere from three months to three years. I love her very much, and will do all that I can to help her live as long as possible. I don't have much money, though, and that's always a problem with doctor's bills and all. And I have pet insurance!

Anyway, there's picture of The Zanzibar above. Send some good wishes her way!