Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Michigan's Ford, Like New York Past, Has Dropped Dead

Well, it's been an interesting holiday week. James Brown (who will lie in state at the Apollo Theater in New York this coming Thursday) died on Christmas morning, while here in Michigan, our own former President, Gerald Ford, died yesterday in California. It's been on the teevee here for more than a few hours today, as I'm sure it's been on the teevee around the country. I don't think we're going to go Reagan-dead crazy, but I'm sure as a President has passed, it's going to be a long road, so to speak, until Ford comes back to Grand Rapids to be buried.

That's a snarky title, I will admit. I have no real feelings about former President Gerald Ford. I don't remember him from his days of representing Michigan, and I was a little too young when he was appointed President to have real feelings about Vietnam, Nixon, or Nixon's pardon. What little I do remember of this time was that a lot of people were dying on the teevee in the war, some gate with a lot of water was a bad thing, and the president was a liar. What he lied about I didn't necessarily know or understand, but I did know that he had done something very bad and had to go. It wasn't until I was a little older (I was ten in 1974) that I finally figured out what the hell had happened.

Ford refused to bail out bankrupt New York during his tenure, and I sorta remember fearing that my hometown, Detroit, was about to face a nightmare, too. Only in the last eight years when the words Rumsfeld and Cheney floated to my conscious brain did I realize that Ford begat both Rummy and Cheney, and let's not forget that he also ushered George H.W. Bush into the position of CIA chief. So, while a lot of people believe Ford to be an okay president (better than Nixon, at least), he hired a lot of people who I like to view as a bunch of pandering idiots. Smart and clever pandering idiots, but panderers and idiots nonetheless.

Sigh. Anyway, rest in peace, Mr. President. At least your long national nightmare is over, while we who are left struggle with those who you placed in positions of authority. Thanks, buddy.

Here's a Dana Carvey skit from years ago, as Tom Brokaw practices his "Ford death announcement."

Thanks, Gothamist for some of the above links.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Meet [Detroit] Tiger!

My mom's new puppy, Tiger. He's a cutie, his paws are huge, and he's about five months. We think he's gonna be mammoth!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Home for the Merryness in Detroit

Well, I'm sitting in a Starbucks in Detroit because Ma has no Internet connection at the house. I got in yesterday. I guess it's a good thing. I'm ready to end my pilgrimages to Detroit for good. It's my hometown, but it depresses me to be here.

It's my first Christmas without my dad, who passed in August. It's just not the same. It's nice to see my mom and the new puppy, Tiger, but still, I could think of a million billion other places I would want to be. Oh, just thinking about it gives me a brain explosion.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good holiday.

Photo: 11 Spring Street Graffiti Project, "There is Hell in Hello," December 2006, NYC

Thursday, December 21, 2006

B.(ombs) O.(ver) B.(aghdad)

[Dre] Don't pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang
[Choir] Bombs over Baghdad!
[Dre] Yeah! Ha ha yeah!
Don't even bang unless you plan to hit something
[Choir] Bombs over Baghdad!
[Dre] Yeah! Uhh-huh

Outkast's "B.O.B." (Bombs Over Baghdad), Stankonia, 2000

I'm in an Outkast kind of mood lately. TIME named Stankonia one of the Top 100 influential albums of All-TIME, but then again, TIME likes to name things. It will be to my everlasting shame that it is that album, and not at the least its predecessor album, Aquemini, that was my first radar-glimpse of Outkast. Unfortunately, I spent Outkast's formative years in outcast land myself, otherwise known as grad school, over the period where they first came on the 'scene.' Grad school, work, more grad school and some tiny semblance of a theater life (I could never really leave it... ) kept me away from that *jazzhands* craaazzy beat. Anyway.... look at me now! I got me a j.o.b. AND I'm catching up on my music! Whew....

Anyhoo... One day, I'm going into the Outkast Time Machine and check out their stuff from before and after Stankonia (my life B.S. and A.S, I suppose). One day I might actually buy Speakerboxx/The Love Below, too. In the meantime, there's one song in particular that I can't get out of my head from Stankonia, which works well with annihilating the endless Christmas music currently stuck there. That song is B.O.B. or Bombs Over Baghdad.

I think Andre 3000, formerly known as Dre, had it right: "Don't pull that thang out unless you plan to do something." Well, we certainly pulled the thing out, but our plan after that in Iraq left us all with something to be desired: an intelligent strategy lead by a capable president. Man, did we get shafted.

I'm also thinking of this ditty because I have the feeling we're going to be dancing another ditty and singing another round of 'bombs over Baghdad' before the day is through. I hope not, but the White House's long PR march goes on...

Anyway, sometimes all you can do is dance it out...

Monday, December 18, 2006

It's All So Bloody Tiring

War violence this, Christmas that, Mt. Hood the other thing. Geez. It's enough to make you want to crawl into a very small hole until it was o.k. to come out again. The heartwrench got a little deeper when I noted that the Banana Splits was my favorite television show back in the day. Hey, I was eight, leave me the hell alone. And Kerik's little babe, Judith R., better not have said what I just heard that she said on her way out of the Murdoch News Corps door. Did she really pull the Jew card? That takes some balls when you're trying to defend yourself against publishing a fictionalized account of a possibly real event that polarizes every American along the line of race. Give me a break, lady. You got fired by your own hubris, which the Jews had nothing to do with. I couldn't pin that crap even on the Faux News Corporation, which is actually saying something.

Crazy things just don't stop happening for the holiday season, do they? It's enough to make your head explode.

JibJab's got it right this year. Fhit is nucking futs!

Wake me when it's over.

Or I'll just talk with you tomorrow.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Holiday Gift Idea, Only $5000.00

Bryant Park Christmas Market, New York City

Just in case you know someone who needs a life-sized steel replica of the Predator. Just in case.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Is Kate Moss's Moon Real?

Great Jones and Lafayette, New York City

I was standing in front of the Acme Bar and Grill, where Dick Cheney's Holiday Spectacular is playing at the subterranean Ace of Clubs (which used to be aptly named Under Acme). Two girls were about to walk into the restaurant, and one says to the other, "That is not Kate Moss's ass. That has to be airbrushed. There's no way she could have an ass like that. It's too poofy."

Whether it's her buttocks or not, they are certainly splayed over Lafayette.

You be the judge.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Dick Cheney's Holiday Spectacular 2006

Yes, that's Dick Cheney. Can't you feel the grope of Billionaire love? If so, come and see the Billionaires For Bush Follies show from December 3-20 (Sundays and Wednesdays, 8:00 PM) at the Ace of Clubs, 9 Great Jones Street at Lafayette.

This year's cast is great and the All New Election Season jokes will delightfully tempt you to laugh instead of cry at the present Administration. Sometimes, you have to laugh to keep from throwing something, thereby busting your television set.

Come and hear some of your cherised and beloved holiday tunes, such as "Rest Easy Wealthy Gentlemen," "Prison Cells," "Toys for the World (Are Made by Kids)," and the soul-rousing and sweetly stirring (as the driven snow), "Halliburton Chorus." Ah yes, good times, indeed.

Hope to see you there.