Showing posts with label Zanzibar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zanzibar. Show all posts

Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday Cat Blogging: A Year Without Zanzibar

Zanzibar, Brooklyn, New York 2005

It's been a year since my wonder kitty girl, Zanzibar, said her last goodbye. I can't believe how much I miss that girl. I still cry sometimes when I think of her. Paikea is wonderful and I love her dearly, too, but having had Zanzi since the day she was born until the day she died was so special to me. Zanzibar was the first kitty friend that I didn't have to give away because I moved from place to place or my rooommate got the cat. She was the one who slept every cold night in the crook of my arm or nestled herself into my waist while I slept, waiting for me to wake up to feed her. She was the power purrer, the green-eyed pretty calico, the Godzilla look-a-like, the sweet thing, the baby kitty.

Anyway, I still miss you, my wonder kitty, I still miss you.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Do You Think She's Trying to Tell Me Something?

I wish the photograph were better, but I was in a rush trying to catch Paikea Renee Esme sticking her tongue out at me. OK, she's really not sticking her tongue out AT me... she does this all the time. It's the cutest thing ever... though sometimes it reminds me of when Zanzibar died. The meds relaxed her so much that her tongue was hanging out and I had to ask the vet to put it back in. Ack. Believe me, it's much cuter from a cat that's alive!

Anyhoo.... I haven't been posting much as things have been a bit busy with projects I'm not finishing. Ack. I also have been doing some neat stuff such as kayaking, and watching my friends prance around as French MerMaids and Salty Seaman at the Mermaid Parade in Coney Island. Somewhere along the line I obtained a cold from all the damned rain we've been having, and this weekend I went to Rockaway Beach to celebrate the holidays early.

The Atlantic was lovely! The first day I didn't go in because of my cold, but I stayed overnight and couldn't resist a dip on the second day. It only exacerbated my impending ear infection, and a few hours later I felt as if an elephant were stomping on my eardrum. But I woke up today feeling a bit better.

Well, I wish I had more to say, but the world is still crap, the World Cup is still going on, and there's still a day free from work to be had today.

Have an excellent 4th of July, everyone!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Happy Birthday, Zanzibar



Mommy kitty misses you
very much.
So very much.
Rest in peace, kitty girl.



In memorium

Monday, February 27, 2006

Tuesday cat blogging

Ok, I know it's not Friday, the traditional 'cat blogging day' in blogging land, but I wanted to introduce everyone to my new friend. I'm not that fond of the name they gave her at the shelter, but here goes... Paikea Rene. I've renaming her Esme. I think. Still haven't settled on it yet.

Exactly one week after Zanzibar died, almost to the hour, I was waiting to go into the "End of Life Support Group" that I had been attending at my vet since Zanzi got her final and definitive diagnoses in November. As I was waiting, I was looking at the shelter cats, all waiting to be adopted. There were the older cats such as Honey and Sophie, whose owner had passed away from breast cancer, Marlowe the street cat who looked like he came straight out of a gangsta novel, and Stallone, a big and fat tuxedo cat. Among the four older cats, was a little kitten, who looked so sad, lonely, and generally, depressed. She was very very cute, too.

So, I go into the meeting, and I mentioned how sad, lonely, depressed and very very cute this kitty was, and the next thing I know, she's sitting in my lap. I'm being told how she doesn't like other kitties, and why she was by herself out in the front shelter cages and not the back cages, where all the kittens were. (She's a loner, like me!) After the meeting, somehow she came home with me. I don't quite know how it happened. All of a sudden she was in a cat carrier, and the same lady who drove me to the emergency vet to put Zanz to sleep was driving me home with new kitty. I really don' t know exactly how it happened, but lo and behold, there's a four-five month old kitten sitting on my stomach as I type this.

It's been a little more than a month that Zanz died and a little over three weeks that PR or Esme came home with me. I am only fostering her, making sure that she becomes acclimated to human beings, as she had been trapped and was a little skittish when it came to trusting. In fact, when I first brought her home, she wouldn't come near me. I had to grab her whenever she came near, if I was gonna get any kitty lovin'. It even made me sad a bit, cause I kept remembering how close Zanz and I were.

She still will run away from me if I startle her, and she's still a bit skittish. However, since I took her back to the vet yesterday to check up on her respiratory tract infection, she's been much calmer since her second vet visit and return back. So I think she knows she's staying (yes, it's pretty official that she's staying), so she's actually a lot more trusting.

One of the reasons I'm keeping her, is that I found a new apartment share in the Bronx, and will be moving in a few weeks, and my new place accepts animals.

Here's a picture of Paikea Renee Esme (still haven't decided on the name) but here she is:

This was taken when she first got to my apartment, and she's bigger now. And yes, I read Harry Potter. OK?

My vet runs Infinite Hope Shelter.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Live Free, Part Three

Eight Weeks Five Days

I had promised a while back to update you on the laser therapy I did to quit smoking. Unfortunately, with lovey wonder kitty's surgery and subsequent passing, I wasn't really in the mood to write. But I tell ya there was something else that I wasn't in the mood for: smoking.

I remember that when I smoked, as a tragedy or crisis arose, the first thing I went for was a cigarette. Zanzibar's nursing, the planning, the driving to the veterinary cancer treatment center in Newburgh, the surgery, having to take her back to my vet in Brooklyn for emergency fluids, the worrying, the watching her go into respiratory distress in the middle of the night, and ultimately, making the decision to put her to sleep and being with her at the end, was probably the worse sequence of events I've had to deal with. In fact, compared to other crappy things that have happened in my life, this was right up there with being born.

Through it all, I did not smoke.

But I digress.

When last I spoke about Freedom Quit Smoking Laser Therapy, I was sitting in the waiting room comtemplating bolting for the door. Instead, I let my laser acupuncture therapist, Paula, lead me into the back, through a door off of the larger room where I had my initial intake.

In the back, there was a hallway and about six doors each leading to a small treatment room. The treatment room had a comfy reclining chair, a small flatscreech T.V., a DVD player and the laser equipment. I was given a pair of "infrared" glasses to put on, to protect my eyes from the laser light.

A number of sarcastic things were going through my head, but I decided to suspend the evil voices and just sit back and take the therapy seriously. In fact, I realized that I would only get out of this therapy as much as I put into it, so instead of ridiculing it or poopooing it or thinking that it was just not going to work, I decided to remember that I had paid good money for this and it was going to work.... because it had to work. I HAD to quit smoking and this method, which would help going cold turkey easier, was the method I chose, and I was behind it... at least 90%.

The laser therapist was very friendly and explained what the laser's purpose was and how she was going to use it. So, with the funny glasses on, I sat there while Paula used the laser to hit specific points on my hands, face and head while I watched a video of crashing waves and seascapes narrated by a woman with a great voice. The woman told me basically that I was now free from smoking, and I wish I could remember what else she said, but truthfully, whatever it was made me feel darn good about the decision I had made to quit smoking once and for all.
I had at least one issue with something said on the video, but I forgot to write it down and now can't remember what it was. Shoot me.

Once the treatment was over, Paula let me sit for a few moments to relax. As I was leaving, I received some vitamin supplements, vanilla car freshener to get the smell of cigarettes out of my non-existent car, a very useful wristband with "Freedom" printed on it, some printed material, and a most helpful item, a booklet compiled from a series of lectures given by a man named Joel Spitzer and entitled "Never Take Another Puff." Also a VERY useful phrase that one must repeat over and over and over again for the rest of an ex-smoker's entire life.

NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

No, seriously, never. Can I say it again? NEVER. One puff, and it's back to square one, a pack of cigs. Hey, I'm an addict, plain and simple. If I smoke one, I'll smoke a million of them.

Anyway, this posting has gotten a little long, but I want to finish by writing what I wrote down in my journal directly after the treatment over a quesadilla and a beer in a Mexican restaurant down the street from the Center in Royal Oak (though I wish I had written down the thing that I had a problem with from the video... hmm, go figure...):

12/23/05
"Though initially skeptical, I must say that 30 minutes on [from the laser session] and sitting in the smoking section (the non-smoking section I originally asked for was too exposed and in a too crowded area, and I wanted to sit a little more isolated, you know, where the smokers are :) ), and while I'm sitting here in the smoking section, I really have no desire to smoke. My right hand is pulsing (the hand I usually smoke with), though who knows what that is from, maybe the laser has caused the nerves in my hand to go all haywacky. But, so far, so good. I don't want to smoke. And the smell of smoke around me... hmmm... nope, still don't want to smoke. Maybe this is gonna work after all."

In my opinion, laser therapy is not necessarily the thing that "makes" you quit smoking. What it does do is release happy endorphins to help you get over the initial hump: the point between the last cigarette and the end of the withdrawal period, which is no more than seven days, and which is usually the hardest. Trust me, I've quit cold turkey before, and the first seven days are hell! After that, the physical withdrawal pressure is over, you haven't killed anyone because all those happy endorphins are helping you feel content and it's behavior modification after that.

Lastly, one of the things that Joel Spitzer writes in his "Never Take Another Puff," is that there will always be stressful and crisis moments. There will always be times when things get too rough. Smoking doesn't help the situation, as it may momentarily 'help,' but ultimately it robs the smoker of something more important than the cigarette, it robs the smoker of his life.

Anyway, good luck to all of us, and I wanted to say hello to any visitors from the Freedom Quit Smoking Laser Therapy site.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Wonder Kitty Says Her Last Goodbye

She tried her best, my brave little wonder kitty, but in the end, it was all too much. But at least we tried. Either way, it's the same outcome, only we were both hoping the end result would be a few more years. She'll be missed something awful. I love you, kitty girl, I love ya.

Zanzibar
June 5, 1994 - January 26, 2006

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Zanzibar's surgery scheduled


Zanzi the cat will be heading into surgery to remove the mass on her adrenal gland next Monday. Keep her in your good wishes for an easy surgery and quick and clean recovery.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Sweet Jeebus, tis the Season



Well, another holiday season has arrived. Yeehaw.

Sorry to sound so depressing, but this year's holiday season is not one filled with cheer for me. It's actually been a great year, full of good things like a new job, opportunities to meet fellow bloggers from the Al Franken Show blog, trips to Martha's Vineyard for relaxing times, a conference trip to New Orleans exactly one week prior to Hurricane Katrina. I published a major paper in the Journal of Genocide Research, and this past weekend, had a fabulous time as Shopper X in the Billionaire for Bush Follies show, "Dick Cheney's Christmas Spectacular." And tomorrow, I head home to see my family. All in all, a good, solid year.

The season, though, brings such sadness as I've gotten a new diganoses on my lovely little kitty, Zanzibar. I thought she had a fatal heart disease, as was diagnosed by my original vet. It was fatal, but with the right medications, she could live longer than expected with the disease. Now I have found out that she actually has a tumor on her adrenal gland, a little bitty gland that rests above the kidney and squeaks out adrenaline and hurts like hell when it's impacted with a tumor.

She needs surgery to correct this, if the tumor hasn't metastisized and spread throughout her little body. The surgery is risky, and after having spoken with the prospective surgeon, it's not impossible to carve it out if it hasn't moved into a major artery between the gland and kidney. The kicker is, though, I don't have the $2500 needed for the surgery, so I have to make a choice: scramble to get the money to pay for a risky surgery that she not make it through, or leave it alone and let her live out her life, however that may be.

I hate this choice. I hate that it comes at the holiday times. I hate that I don't make enough money to pay for it easily. I hate that I live in New York at the moment, a most expensive place for everything. I hate it all, and the holidays just aren't helping with the overwhelming feeling of helplessness about my best friend, my companion, my heart.

I know it sounds corny, but for those of you with friends, I know you know what I'm feeling. It sucks. Badly.

I've been thinking of ways to scramble the money together, and I think I can do it, mostly, with maybe some help from friends. I haven't made up my mind one way or the other about the surgery, I have to wait and see if it's spread to her lungs first.

So, there's my sucky holiday season. Tis the Season. Ho Ho Ho.

I hope everyone has a great holiday. I will still have a great holiday. But I will be thinking and crying and working out a way to come to a decision about this. I've had her since she was born. It would be hard to lose her because I'm unable to pay for it. It would hard to lose her because the surgery is risky or the tumor has spread. It would be hard to lose her after the surgery is done, and complictions set in. In short, it will be hard to lose her.

Happy freaking Christmas.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Experience of Life: Death

In a Wonderland they lie,
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summers die:

Ever drifting down the stream --
Lingering in the golden dream --
Life, what is it but a dream?
--Lewis Carroll, "A Boat beneath a Sunny Sky"
I remember, as a kid, my first nightmare about being dead. I was laying in a casket, under the earth, and I couldn't get out. I knew I was still alive, that I shouldn't have been in that casket, and there was no way out.

I woke up screaming, in my bed, alive.

Now, I'm not sure why I had this dream. I may have read one too many Edgar Allan Poe stories by that time, and I do remember watching a very terrifying movie, the name of which escapes me right now. It was about a person who was kidnapped, and then buried alive with a water tube, light, and no means of communication with the outside, above-ground world. The air supply was limited, and tied into the time that the ransom had to be paid. I'm sure someone remembers the name of this movie!

A friend of mine's dad died recently, and I went to the funeral. It was a beautiful goodbye. I haven't had anyone really close to me pass away yet. Now that I face the impending passing of my cat (she's still strong, but the heart disease is irreversible and I have a feeling that it's going to be within the next six months), as well as the aging of my parents, and hell, even myself, the life experience of death is inevitable.

Kitties and people don't live forever. But life is so damned short that I don't understand why people are continually at each other's throats with war, hatred, and a myriad of other social ills and complaints that put us on a blood rage against each other.

Life. Is. Too. Damned. Short.

When I was growing up, my mother found Pentacostal religion and took me to church every Sunday for five-hour services for about 12 years. Most of what I got out of the sessions was that I was bad, gospel music was good, and everyone thought way too much about the afterlife and not this life. It was all about the future, what happens when you die, if you're not right by God. There's so much focus on death that it's hard to actually live life.

Life. Is. Too. Damned. Short.

As I approach a close experience of death (the first of what will be many) I'm going to try my best to remember that life, though not good, is here and should be lived to the fullest. I hope that somehow, we all learn one lesson: life is too damn short to kill each other.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Zanzibar

I have a cat, goes by the name of Zanzibar. She's a lovely little thing, and I've had her since she was born. I live alone, so when I come home, she's a treat and a friend indeed to have around.

Now, she's got a big problem, something called hyperthropic cardiomapathy. It's a heart disease that thickens the heart muscles, which makes breathing difficult and blood clots can form, which is bad for humans and cats alike.

With treatment, she has an unknown time to live, like all of us, but her time has been shortened dramatically, anywhere from three months to three years. I love her very much, and will do all that I can to help her live as long as possible. I don't have much money, though, and that's always a problem with doctor's bills and all. And I have pet insurance!

Anyway, there's picture of The Zanzibar above. Send some good wishes her way!