The Boogeyman Cometh...

So, I get home tonight and turn on CNN's "Situation Room" and Wolf Blitzer is hyperventilating about a new videotape. Apparently, it's going to be a tape of the boogeyman himself, Osama bin Laden, who hasn't been seen since October 29, 2004.

RUN FOR THE HILLS! HIDE THE CHILDREN! BOMB SOMETHING!

OBL plays us like a teeny, teeny, tiny violin. Maybe it's not going to be bin Laden at all, but some guy in a wig claiming he's from Canada.

Yep, folks, the sixth anniversary of 9/11 is just around the corner, and it's time to wind up the populace with fear and videos again. Are you scared? Are you shaking in your boots? Are you anticipating a loud and deadly boom somewhere?

I hope not. Fear is not a good thing. Let OBL blabber on because goodness knows I've heard a lot of blathering in the last three years of him not appearing in front of the cameras. It can't be any worse than that.

By the way, I wouldn't particularly recommend stunts like the one the Chaser Non-Stop News Network from Australia attempted to pull off during the Asia-Pacific Economic Conference (APEC), but I will say, in the spirit of merry pranksters and cognizant dissonance everywhere... Good on ya, mate!

If you don't know the Chaser Non-Stop News Network (CNNNN) or The Chaser as they are now known, then feast your eyes on this video from a few years ago:

Australia Sure Looks Like North Korea

ABC (no, not THAT ABC, but the Australian Broadcasting Corporation) has been playing some nastily hilarious games with Americans, specifically, in Texas. From Crooks and Liars, I saw a clip from ABC's "CNNNN" or Chaser Non-Stop News Network of their intrepid reporter on the Dallas streets, asking the pointed question, "Who Should the U.S. Bomb Next?" Now, I'll give the folks on the streets one caveat: the names of countries were intentionally mislabled to add further hilarity (or intellectual challenge) into the mix. But the question has to be asked: "When the hell did Australia ever look like North Korea?"

The answer: Never, you lovable American clods, never!

What's so frustrating about this scenario is that geography is one of
the most simple lessons to be learned, really. It takes all of looking at a World map and being somewhat curious about the world outside of one's front porch, city or county borders, state lines, and national boundaries. It takes thinking outside the box of your own little world and having teachers and leaders foment a sense that there is a larger world outside of your own damned borders.

It just makes me crazy.

What's even more frustrating is that we are in the middle of this so-called "Global War on Terror" (which I like to call the G-WOT Now?) and Americans can't pay enough attention to the countries we're declaring hypothetical war on to know that Australia ain't North Korea. Not by a long shot. (Though, hey, I will say that at least they are on the same side of the globe.)

Now, I'm not the smartest person in the world. I have trouble remembering exactly which States make up the "Four Corners," but I know one of them isn't Hawaii. Not by a longshot.

All I ask of my fellow citizens is that if we are going to fight the G-WOT Now?, please, please, please, let's at least know where we're fighting, who we're fighting, and for the love of a duck, why we're fighting it. If we can't bother to learn the basics, we have no reason fighting anyone.

I fear, however, that it's just much too late for us, because CNNNN has now discovered that:

American[s] support war on Kyrgyzstan, 'whereever it may be'

Oh, and here is what Kyrgyzstan looks like:

All maps from the CIA World Factbook. The CIA will not hunt you down if you go to their site and find out more regarding 1) Facts or 2) The World. However, they might be a little bugged if you go to their site and start a war on a country that you 1) can't find or 2) can't be bothered finding out about before you declare war on them. I think. Well, maybe. Or maybe not.